I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
