I wanna bring you to show and tell
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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