you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize