I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
