I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
