The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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