i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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