PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize