discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize