totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize