Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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