lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
