I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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