Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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