You made me cry and you don't even care
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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