you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
