A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
