I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
