He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
