when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
