so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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