I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize