we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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