Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
