God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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