are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
