I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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