Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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