Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
