I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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