I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
