Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize