Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
