Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
