I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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