A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
