he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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