The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
