We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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