I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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