Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
