I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Randomize
