So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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