508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
