Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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