RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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