im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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