He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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