from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
