Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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