Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
