so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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