My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she smelled like a LAN party
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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