Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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