All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
