I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
