I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I could make wine with my vomit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
