My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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