We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
