How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
