Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
