I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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