I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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