Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
