we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
