i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
