just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
