You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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