You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
