THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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